Power Volleyball Academy Parents

Parents>

“God does not give us a
spirit of fear, but rather
one of POWER, of LOVE
and of SELF-DISCIPLINE.”
II Timothy 17

Parents and Young Volleyball Players

As your child begins to participate in organized volleyball, I am often asked how
parents can help. Even when parents don’t ask the question, I can see that they
need help. Over the many years that I have been teaching and coaching volleyball, I
have seen many sets of players and parents go through their “volleyball life”
together. Sometimes the parents have been a help, sometimes the parents, in
their efforts to help, have been a hindrance. I have observed some good ways, and
some “not so good ways” that parents and children interact in sports.
Having a child play volleyball is probably harder for the parents than it is for the
child. As parents, it is difficult to watch your child learn; it is hard to see them make
mistakes; it is painful to see them struggle at times. However, this, like most of life’
s journeys, is not something you can do for your child. They must do this mostly on
their own in order to become mature volleyball players and mature people. Many of
the lessons your child needs to learn in the sport of volleyball are the same
lessons they need to learn in life.
Here are my suggestions to parents on how to help your child be a successful
volleyball player:

* Don’t help too much (Or help as little as possible.) - To be a good volleyball
player, the athlete needs to feel confident and independent. If they know, (and they
do know) that they are on a team because Mommy and Daddy demanded that they
be on the team or they get playing time because Mommy and Daddy demanded
playing time, then they will not have confidence in their own abilities. When a
parent takes over and does things for the child, it sends the message, “You are not
capable. You are not competent. I don’t think you can do it.”
* Don’t push - I have seen too many kids attend a volleyball event in grades 1-5
who come away and tell their parents, “Gee, that was fun!” Then the parent
immediately runs out, buys a volleyball, and takes them out to the back yard to
practice or signs them up for every class in sight, and then the parent corrects them
every time they touch the ball. The game of volleyball quickly becomes no fun.
Young players need to experiment, they need to feel free to go after the ball,
sometimes contact it incorrectly, and not be afraid to make mistakes.
* Don’t coach! Parents need to be parents, not coaches. A parent, yelling
instructions from the bleachers is a distraction and prevents the child from focusing
on what the coach expects and what their team is doing. Young players have a
hard enough time focusing on getting to the ball and then remembering what they
were supposed to do next without someone shouting instructions (that are
sometimes wrong) the entire time. Try a role reversal: How would you feel if
someone followed you around at your job, continually yelling instructions and
useless phrases like, “Use your head!” and “What are you doing!!!”   If a kid feels
that every mistake they make will be revisited, not only by the coach, but also their
parents after every practice or match, it makes for an unpleasant experience. The
players lose focus during play, and that only leads to more errors. Volleyball is a
very difficult sport, and errors are costly. Players cannot play well when they are
afraid to make mistakes. Parents need to focus on the good plays, congratulate
their child for their effort and how they recovered from an error. Trust the coach to
correct errors, and keep in mind that players cannot fix all errors at once. Many
errors cannot be fixed during game play, they need to wait for practice, experience,
maturity, and sometimes just growing , so be patient.
* Find good coaches and then let them coach. They don’t have to be an Olympic
coach. Many excellent coaches are club, high school or middle school coaches
who have a good grasp of the fundamentals, teach the overall concept of the game,
make practices fun, reward good effort and good skills, and make practices
competitive.   Even very young players need to know how to be competitive and how
to put winning and losing in perspective.   Don’t question or criticize the coach to the
child, since this undermines the coach’s efforts. If you have questions, ask the
coach before criticizing.
* Don’t compete with the other parents-   Some parents appear to be competing to
see who can do the most for their child; buy them the most tournament t-shirts,
bring them the most bottles of water during a game or practice, who can yell the
loudest, who can have the most opinions about the players, the team, the coach,
the game, etc. The competition includes being able to brag about how many age
groups above their true age their kid is playing (for some reason, being a good
player in their own age group is not good enough.) Please resist the urge to join in
this competition. In my experience, players whose parents are overly-involved have
very little motivation of their own; they play just well enough to keep their parents off
their backs, but never as well as they could play if they were self-motivated. Just as
we teach our children not to succumb to peer pressure, parents need to avoid the
peer pressure as well.
* DO let volleyball be your child’s experience - Even at a young age, players can
evaluate their own skills, talk about what they feel they did well, and what they feel
they need to work on. ASK them how they felt about the game, don’t tell them what
you think. Remember, you weren’t playing, so you don’t really know what it was like
for them. Volleyball is much easier to play when you are 25 years older and sitting
in the bleachers.
* DO give your child time to work through problems - If the player is having trouble
learning to serve, it may not be learned at the next session. It may take days,
weeks or months to conquer serving, but by being persistent, the player will have a
great feeling of accomplishment when that goal is reached. They will also learn the
value of hard work and commitment. Some parents try to focus on other factors
(“Why doesn’t the coach teach you better?” “We’ll have to find a better coach,” “The
team doesn’t spend enough time practicing serving,”) or the parent takes over the
child’s activity, (“Bring that ball out to the back yard, I’ll teach you how to serve!”)
These all take away from the player’s responsibility to work hard, stay focused,
listen to the coach, and ask for help from the coach.
* DO make playing your child’s responsibility – Players should have chores to do a
home, they should be responsible for getting their work-out clothes and equipment
ready and packed for tournaments or practice. The player should fill their water
bottle and have their own snacks or lunch ready for tournaments. They should be
responsible for knowing the team’s schedule and other team information. The
player needs to be responsible for getting homework and other commitments
completed to allow themselves time to fulfill their commitment to the volleyball
team. The player should talk to the coach if they have questions about their skills,
playing time, etc. Even very young players can learn to ask questions in an
appropriate manner to help them improve their play. Many parents say that their
child is afraid to talk to the coach or ask questions. Speaking up for yourself and
asking questions are skills that have to be learned, just like other volleyball skills. If
players start talking for themselves at the beginning, it will be much more natural
for them to speak for themselves throughout their career. Players can practice
these skills by being the one who calls the coach to let them know they will be late
or have to miss practice. If there is a question about practice times, the player
should ask the coach and relay the information to the parents. If the information is
not clear, the player can ask again for clarification.
* DO keep the sport in perspective – Very few players will get college scholarships,
so don’t make that the ultimate goal for your elementary school age player.   The
child’s enjoyment of the sport and the overall experience should be the number one
focus for young players. Each clinic or team experience should be approached with
the thought that this is what my child wants to do now.   No one can predict the
future – your child may find other interests, they may decide that sports are not their
“thing,” they may not grow to the size or strength that enables them to have the level
of success you envision, etc.   Keep in mind that your child may even play for
several years, then change course, or at least they should feel that they have the
option. Parents who make a child’s sports participation “too important” by letting it
dominate the entire family’s time, spend large amounts of time and money on that
sport, add tremendous pressure on that child to continue playing when they might
wish to do something else.
* DO trust your child’s feelings when they play – Many times the difference between
the player’s feelings on a particular aspect of the game will be much different than
their parents. For example, in a match I coached a few years ago, I had a young
team (14 and under) and many of them were fairly new to the game. During the
match we had several players perform skills that they had not done in a match
before (make their serves over the net, do a spike with a good approach, etc.) and
we had met several other team goals. Despite being disappointed at losing, we
quickly focused on all of the good plays and “breakthroughs” that we had as
individuals and as a team. The team left the huddle upbeat, looking forward to the
next match.   However, as the players approached their parents, I could see their
shoulders droop and heads bow. The parents were immediately barraging them
with questions, “Why did you let those balls drop in the middle of the court?” and,
“Why did you make those passing errors?” and, “Why didn’t you play more?” We
could have started the next match at a higher point, ready to put our new skills to
work. Instead, we started at a lower point and never did regain the enthusiasm and
confidence that we had after the first match. Did the parents TRY to make their kids
play worse? No. Were the parents trying to help? Yes. But they forgot to be
parents! The coach is there to correct skills, set goals and strategies. The parents
are there to support the players and celebrate their good plays and effort, and to
listen to the kids!   This is also true of playing time. Many players are content as a
front or back row player, or feel that their specialized, even if limited playing time, is
a valuable contribution to the team effort. Positions in volleyball are very specialized
and require different skills and knowledge in each position. Many players
recognize that they are not ready to play particular positions, and are happy to
contribute where they can, and don’t really want the pressure of playing an
unfamiliar position.   However, I have seen players finish a match, happy that the
team won, feeling that their contribution, whatever it was, was important, come off
the court and immediately be confronted by parents who want to know why they
didn’t get more playing time. This makes the player feel that their contribution was
not good enough, was not valuable, and that their parents are disappointed. This
puts unnecessary pressure on the player to play where they are not comfortable, it
puts pressure on the coach to play people in positions that are not the most
advantageous for the team, and disrupts the whole concept of team play. Plus, it
just takes the fun out of the game! Being a “sport parent” is not an easy task.
Watching young players can be stressful for parents. If you are not enjoying your
child’s activity, then you should choose another activity while your child practices or
plays volleyball. Parents don’t attend every class at their child’s school, and there
is no reason parents have to attend every volleyball event their child participates in.
In fact, by having parents attend EVERY event, it sends the message that this grade
game (or practice) is REALLY IMPORTANT, and adds pressure on the child. By
keeping the sport in perspective, saying, “Mommy will drop you off for the practice
(or game) and I will be at work (or taking a walk, or getting the shopping done, or
whatever). I’ll be here to pick you up at the end and you can tell me all about it.”   It
shows the child that you trust they can handle the practice or game on their own. It
shows the child that their game is not the most important thing in the world, that
other things go on and their sports participation is just a part of the entire family’s
activities.

The above was written By Mary Jo Hardy, Director of LAVA Programs; Professor,
Physical Fitness and Wellness, Lansing Community College